Grandparent Rights
Grandparents take for granted their rights to visitation with their grandchildren. In reality it is a privilege given by the parents and a privilege that should be earned.
In today’s world of blended families the parents role is more difficult then ever. Not only are they trying to be impartial to the children, they have to contend with ex- spouses, ex-in-laws and new in-laws as well. When you add grandparents that think the new parent is lacking in parental skills - you’ve a perfect recipe for toxic relationships and you have a battle ground where many are bound to get hurt.
I happen to think that as grandparents, we should never question our grandchildren, as to how they feel about their new parental figure. We all know that these things take time. I am sure there were times that my children did not like me, nor my rules. If issues are important to a child and if you’ve established your position as a trusted adult, the child will come to you if they need to.
I would like to hear what you all think on this subject. So what about those grandparent rights? Earned, expected or absolute?
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5 Responses to “Grandparent Rights”
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I think this should depend on the circumstances. For instance, I have a biological mother that due to some bad things in the past I don’t want contact with, nor do I feel my children would be safe around her. I think it should be my choosing in this matter.
However, I know people that were in stepfamilies that split nicely and the kids still saw both sets of grandparents as well as parents. As long as no one talks bad about the other parent and is no danger to the children I say go for it. But as far as rights go, I do think it is up to the parent.
I’ve even heard of some families that move to the other side of the states and are being threatened with grandparents rights. Not all parents have money to do vacations and some dont’ want to send their children on a plane to visit. Why doesn’t the gparent visit instead?
I actually went through a court battle with my super undeserving mother who wanted grandparent rights to visit only ONE of my children (if that’s not abuse, what is?). It was a long and drawn out and, in the end, I waited until the judge became more understanding (2 years!!!!!!!!!!) and packed my family up and moved three provinces away. I have not visited. It’s been almost 6 years.
Now, my brother is going through the same situation with his son. Why won’t courts (and Dr. Phil) wake up and realize that just because you are a grandparent, it doesn’t make you warm and fuzzy and good for kids.
Thank you for even talking about this subject. It gets me every time…
The point she’s trying to make with this post is that when a family blends - sometimes bio grandparents show a painful difference between the kids and causes a trickle effect that hurts everyone involved.
The post is written by my mom who sees her own grandchildren going through a painful situation and it’s hurting her some 2000 miles away.
As somebody who totally understands the dynamics of what is being conveyed in the post — I have this to say:
It’s absolutely horrible when grandparents don’t treat ALL their grandchildren with the love and respect that they all deserve to have no matter the recipe it took to create that child.
Sometimes I think grandparents don’t know when to butt out. They have a hard time realizing that their parenting job is over when their children become adults and have families of their own.
A grandparents job is to love and nurture all of their grandchildren. They are supposed to spoil them. However, spoiling does not mean circumventing how the parents are trying to raise their children.
My own mother does not have a relationship with her grandchildren because she doesn’t know when to leave well enough alone. It’s all or nothing with her and she doesn’t care what she says and does OR how it affects her grandkids. To this day she doesn’t have anything to do with us and I can’t help but feel that it’s a blessing in disguise.
Thanks to all of you for your input. I agree that being a grandmother is the most
wonderful gift in life. This gift should be nurtured not abused or taken for granted.
As a grandmother I feel that I should try to strengthen the family unit, not divide
it.
As a family we may not always agree with all decisions, but they are not ours to make. Believe me I made enough mistakes on my own. My goal is to love all my grandchildren unconditionally and to be a shoulder for them as well as my daughter to lean on.