Not Before Coffee

DO

Find out what they like to do in their free time.

Talk about your travel experiences — trips you’ve been on or places you’d like to visit and why.  In turn, ask them about their travel experiences and dreams.

Mention current events or news. Ask your dates what they think about a topic.  It’s probably best to stay clear of politics and religion though.  My grandma always said those were two things you should NEVER discuss!  Perhaps stick to some of the more Pop Culture type topics!

Talk about where you grew up, your family, then ask about theirs – you might want to keep family freaks in the closet as to not scare off the date right away.  We all know every family has one or two – but it’s not conversation for a first date.

Ask about their favorite sports teams, movies, plays and books.  This is typically a safe zone for conversations.  But, I’d try to stay clear of having TOO Many similar interests here.  If there are too many from the start, it has a tendency to seem like you are trying too hard to be THE ONE!

Talk about something exciting in your life. (A high school reunion, a promotion, a new home.)  Keyword “exciting” not how happy you were to attend the reunion to see who had gained 100 lbs or who has suffered the most.  We women ALL know it’s a secret pleasure to find those who you despised in school to be bit by the karma bug, but that’s talk to share with the girls, not a first date.

Notice something positive about your date (nice hair, eyes, an expression or gesture) and compliment them on it.  Compliments are always a good thing, but then again, don’t go overboard because the person you’re on the date with may not be on the same level of attraction as you are.  Too many compliments going out and not coming in can likely create an uncomfortable situation.

Ask a fun question like, “If you could change places with anyone in the world, living or dead, who would it be?” 

Mention something beautiful or touching you’ve seen or experienced in the past week. Even if it was just in a movie – but don’t be overly sappy.  Being overly sappy here could send up red flags that you are clingy and suffocating.

Talk about the things you’re most passionate about, from volunteering at a homeless shelter to your 1980s record collection.  This is always a good topic because it gives your date a real look inside you, the person!  What you are passionate about can often become an issue in the relationship IF the partner isn’t understanding of what draws you to your cause or hobby.

Ask about their dreams for the future. This will get them excited.  Everyone loves to talk about their dreams, goals and the future.  This is an absolute safe zone for first date conversation.

DON’T

Don’t criticize personal choices, like wearing fur or who they voted for in the last election.  Political or controversial conversations are a BIG No-No!  Don’t like it?  Don’t go for date number 2.

Don’t hog the conversation. It should flow back and forth like a tennis volley — you hit, he or she returns.  I don’t think there’s a person on the planet that’s THAT great of a listener.  Sure, they may like to listen, but they don’t want to hear how great YOU and YOUR life is all night long.  Save something for future dates.  There’s a lot to be said for a little bit of mystery.

Don’t start talking about marriage or commitment on the first three dates.  It’s fine to let the person know what type of relationship you are seeking, but don’t start picking out china patterns by date three.  That’s a sure way to send them running for the hills.

Don’t use cheesy opening lines like, “Are you an Aquarius?”  Great for later on in the conversation but certainly not an opening!

That should just about cover all the ideas I have and those I’ve added to expand on the list provided by It’s Just Lunch – did I miss anything?

Anyone have any specific Do’s and Dont’s for a first date?