An the end of 2009 approaches, I find myself growing anxious to get this year behind me and as far from gone as I can.

I know good and well that my reality is the direct result of decisions I make, but that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with really.

2008 was such an amazing year really. Full of miracles and blessing, but little did I know those miracles and blessings were aligning me to be in the position I’m in now.

• Had it not been for the flood of June 2008, I’d have never sold a website.
• Had it not been for the sale of that website, I’d have never gotten my new house.
• Had it not been for getting my new house, I’d have never gotten the courage to file for divorce.
• Had it not been for filing for divorce, I’d not resent the fact that my previous home was sold intentionally for under payoff to keep from having to pay me any profit.

And then comes the resentment:

• I do resent allowing myself to grow the slightest bit nostalgic and marry my old high school sweetheart, a person I didn’t really know at all.
• I do resent allowing myself to be taken advantage of by a man who would not work for 5 very long years.
• I do resent ever believing I was strong enough to help a man who had bipolar disorder and overwhelming and financially devastating spending habits.

If I could reach my own ass, I’d kick it ten ways to Sunday.

In hindsight, I guess all things happen for a reason and frankly I’d rather be where I am now, living on a very tight budget, struggling to make ends meet, rebuilding my online business from ground zero then to be back in a marriage that was emotionally, physically and financially traumatizing.

I know harboring the resentment is not a healthy place to be – and I have to learn to set that all aside so I can move on and grow to a happy and successful place again. The good thing is, I divorced that situation and can move on.

I guess it’s time to stop licking my wounds and look forward to a life of success and happiness. Just like the Law of Attraction teaches us. I want to get to a good place where the struggles don’t hold me down and make me want to resent and regret.