Take Your Health Insurance Card and Shove It
That’s ‘kinda’ what I had to tell Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield yesterday. My husband and I had just returned from the doctors office where we had suffered quite an embarrassing ordeal.
As of April 1, our insurance was supposed to cover my husbands pre-existing condition, bipolar. We got to the window expecting to pay our co-pay only to be called out for a whopping $270 bill because our insurance had declined payment saying we had met our maximum allowance for the year.
It’s MAY for crying out loud! How could this be?
I told the girl if that’s the case, I had paid my maximum premium for the year.
We’ve been paying $304 per month plus all the tests and medications for this ‘pre-existing’ condition, looking forward to the day when it would be covered - this according to their letter giving us a date when the restriction would be lifted.
When I phoned the Anthem, they told me there had been a change in my policy and that I was told there could be a change without notice. Apparently we are limited to TWO office visits a year now. I proceeded to ask “what would happen if we paid the office call, what would be covered then?”
The rep told me they would pay 80% of anything over $2000 deductible per person per year.
After doing the quick math in my head…calculating the tests, premium, office calls and medications, I realized I was going to be paying out $10,000 before that insurance would actually cover much of anything.
I told the girl I wanted my coverage canceled and my payment they had JUST cashed to be refunded.
We’ve now returned to take our place among the millions of other American’s who are Uninsured because we can’t afford to keep insurance coverage. And to be honest, it’s a lot nicer here! Less headaches and I figure if something happens that results in thousands of dollars in medical bills, I’ll just do what most people are being forced to do and file bankruptcy.
This one’s for YOU - George W. Bush, Dick Cheney and our noble elected officials who are being bought by so many lobbyists!
Herschel Walker - Heisman Tropy Winner & Mental Illness Sufferer
I would never wish mental illness on anyone, especially when I see what my husband and son go through - but it is nice to see celebrities and sports figures, who have suffered in silence for so long, speaking out about such a painful topic.
We’ve all heard the words, tossed about, without a care - words like "psycho," "schizo" and 
"wacko." Or you’ve witnessed the jokes about "loony bins" and straightjackets. You might even have read about celebrities like Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan who must be "off her meds and out of therapy."
But if you or a loved one has a mental illness, you know that these words and jokes aren’t just harmless fun. These types of actions perpetuate the stigma attached to mental illness. Stigma is painful and shaming, but we can both cope with it , combat it or help support our loved one so they can.
Herschel Walker once played Russian roulette as he struggled with a personality disorder.
Can you imagine being so detached from life, living in such a dark place, that you would even consider such conduct? How horribly painful!
Walker suffers from dissociative identity disorder, formerly known as multiple personality disorder. His experiences are chronicled in his book, Breaking Free, which is to be released this week.
The 46-year-old Walker was a Heisman Trophy winner at Georgia and played 12 seasons in the NFL, including three (1992-94) with the Eagles.
He says he had the condition during his playing days but did not realize it. He does not remember winning the Heisman in 1982 or darker events, such as threatening his wife at the time.
Many celebrities are speaking out about their experiences with mental illness. Hershel Walker is stepping out in the company of such celebrities as Nobel Prize-winning economist John Forbes Nash Jr. (schizophrenia); actresses Patty Duke (bipolar disorder), Lorraine Bracco (depression) and Brooke Shields (postpartum depression); newspeople Jane Pauley (bipolar disorder) and Mike Wallace (depression); athletes Terry Bradshaw (depression) and Muffin Spencer-Devlin (bipolar disorder); writers Kay Redfield Jamison, Ph.D., (bipolar disorder), Art Buchwald (depression) and William Styron (depression); and such public figures as Tipper Gore (depression) and Kitty Dukakis (depression, substance abuse).
When you want to crash but can’t
With each day that passes, I feel myself becoming more familiar with the situation that Kate McLaughlin went through while raising two children with bipolar disorder. The only difference is, I’m married to one and as much as I don’t want to admit it, I can sense a diagnosis coming on one of my children.
We won’t know for certain until the middle of May when we have our first session with a specialist, but everything is pointing in that direction.
Earlier today, I found myself on the phone calling a friend that I know my kids love. Through my tears, I asked if my son could come visit her for the night. He needed to get away from the home currently known as hell - if only for a night.
It seems depression has become a massive wet blanket that is smothering the life and every ounce of happiness from my family.
For the first time I felt the deepest, most dreaded fear I’ve ever known. The fear and thought that my son, my precious child, could be so miserable - depressed in such a way that mom can’t fix - so much so that I actually feared he may do something to harm himself.
I’m not certain if it’s just the heaviness of living in a house so consumed by mental illness or if there’s genuine concern.
My husband, through his clouded judgment effected by his own mental illness, he is quite certain it’s nothing more than a plea for attention.
I don’t think so.
How is a woman supposed to choose between her husband and her son.
I feel as though they are both drowning in a sea of darkness, but I’m only assured the strength to carry one through.
As much as I fear the word, it feels as though divorce is almost inevitable.
Since I took my son to our friends house, I have felt as though all I wanted to do was curl up and sleep - but I can’t. Husband was so exhausted from his week long battle with mania that he crashed before dark.
Again the responsibility of the household was left balancing on my shoulders - I stayed up to watch a movie with the other two boys - all the while a part of me grew even more numb, more tired and ready to crash.
I pray for the day when everything will be normal again - when I know what it’s like to smile and mean it.
Just another manic Thursday
When it comes to living with someone who suffers a mental illness like bipolar, you often recognize patterns in their behavior. A few years ago, I could mark my calendar by my husbands mood. When the Wednesday prior to his long drive to pick up his children for visitation weekend rolled around, he would become highly irritable. For three full days, my boys and I would walk on eggshells hoping not to piss him off too much and tried to mollycoddle him as much as possible to make this recurring event a little more bearable for all of us.
As the children aged and custody situations changed, so did the timing of his deepest, darkest episodes. It wasn’t until recently that I was able to give this horrible timing a name - episode?!? - sounds easily enough and well defined doesn’t it? Such a small, concise word for such a nightmarish experience.
Right at a year ago, I saw the stress his job was putting on him. God had finally blessed me with enough income that I was able to tell him he could quit his stressful job and pursue what made him happy. I wanted to put the days of mine and the kids playing watchtower, to determine his moods upon arriving home from work, far behind us.
Little did I know, his dreams would be fleeting and before long, all he wanted to do, or had energy to do was tend to his birds, sleep and watch Discovery and History channel. It seemed like I’d woken up from a horrible dream only to realize the man I’d married was gone and in his wake was a complete stranger. A stranger I was left to take full responsibility for.
These days, my husband works minimal hours at a job that accommodates his schedule. I was thrilled at the prospect that he had a job, one that was quite cool really and perhaps having a little income would give him a sense of accomplishment and that would provide him a means of caring a bit for his own children.
I was so wrong, in so many ways.
With the new job came new behavior patterns and episodic behavior. Every other Thursday, which around here is called ‘payday’ he begins an episode. He stirs chaos in our house, becomes argumentative, insulting and negative. Thanks to the Family-to-Family class we are taking, I was able to recognize the cause of these bi-weekly episodes. I realized my husbands overwhelming urge to spend money was the driving force and the only way he can justify his behavior is to create an argument that provides him the excuse to leave the house.
When he returns, he comes bearing items that were needed in the house to begin with as a sort of shadow that masks the other items he may have purchased in haste.
For several months before he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, he had a draw toward purchasing coffee cups. Not just any coffee cup - the $30 - $50 coffee cups from Danbury Mint.
It wasn’t like we didn’t have cabinets literally filled fully deep and stacked two high of cups already. I’ve never understood his need for such silly purchases, but it was those cups that lead us on a path of diagnosis.
What it will take to reach recovery is still a mystery and at times a seemingly unachievable one.
As much as I love my husband and adore his son, there are days, like today, that I struggle deeply with the desire to leave a note asking that he look me up when he’s recovered and taking my kids and fleeing.
Who said life is fair?
Last Tuesday, just before our Family-to-Family class, I felt myself having a meltdown. All. Day. Long. The meltdown had begun the previous day and was a steady progression up and until I cracked Tuesday afternoon. For TWO days, I watched while my husband sank into another episode of depression. The same feelings of resentment that I’ve become so familiar with lately, began to pour over me. Resentment for my husbands need to get away from stress - his need to go to bed at 1:00 PM and sleep for three hours - his need to avoid any financial responsibility - while I feel more and more like the weight of the world is thrust on my shoulders.
I stewed…
I felt sorry for myself…
I waited…
I waited until I had him cornered on our drive to the class and let him know there are some TIMES that he needs to push his depression aside and take responsibility - if for nothing else, his son whom he has full custody of. As much as I love his son, I don’t believe it’s my responsibility to provide the ‘necessities’ for him and that I need help in doing so.
In essence, I was telling my husband to ’snap out of it.‘ Little did I know the nights class would be focusing on people just like me! People who offer advice so freely…people who are obviously ignorant to mental illness and the toll it takes on it’s host.
I learned that my husband doesn’t have the ability to "snap out of it" that I must let him process through his episodes at his own pace. I learned in class that this IS my reality and if I love my husband, I’ll stand by him, work with the doctors to find a medication that helps - but we also learned that it may not be as simple as the bipolar diagnosis - there’s likely other issues at play that we’ll be speaking with our doctor about.
Fortunately the kids and I are learning to recognize episodes as they are coming on. When we see the classic signs, we are able to overt attentions away from the episode, walk away, get away - whatever it takes to avoid confrontation during his confrontational phase.
Robert Hamm has taken the time to describe mood disorders and mental illness as it likens to alcohol and drinking. I believe this is one of the best descriptions I’ve found that helps bring a sense of understanding to my own ignorance of my husbands illness.
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